Military experts will tell you that a retreat is the hardest maneuver to bring off successfully. So in today’s diary I have to deal with your inevitable disappointment that the two crazy autocrats came together in one hotel room in Singapore, like two barely subcritical masses of a fissionable isotope and … no kaboom. Bupkis. Boring closing statement with something something about not holding military exercises, yada, yada. Nothing that seems at all promising to the goal of getting me fired from the presidency for my obvious dementia. Watch and learn, children. Give it time.
Admit it, you wanted some kind of blow-up. Its the only reason my fans are paying any attention. You guys may be sane and responsible enough to worry about the collateral damage from a dramatic blow-up. Hell, you guys are actually worried by the outcome of the G7, where I was able to stage a rather subdued blow-up with my distinctly non-wild-man counterparts. You people may be the last folks in America, I mean aside from people who make their living off the foreign policy grift, who still take phrases like “the Western Alliance” seriously, so you and the media thought the G7 was some kind of blow-up.
The other leaders of the G7 sure don’t take stuff like The Western Alliance seriously. Oh, they have to pretend to. They form a little group of the six most relentless strivers in their respective countries, the ones who clawed their way to the tops of their countries’ greasy poles by jamming their boots (or stiletto heels, let’s acknowledge the ladies) into the losers' faces. You don’t win those fights against A-Team competition if you have to carry the baggage of actually believing this crap. But these phony concepts are the grand prizes, so they have to pretend to take them seriously, maybe even convince themselves they take them seriously. If they were fighting over something real ,like money or improving their golf games, an earlier me might have found the struggle fun and worth joining in. But what they fight with each other and me over is purely artificial crap like The Western Alliance, or Free Trade, or whatever. I have zero patience for the phony crap, and am frankly disgusted by people trying to compete with one another by being better at slinging it.
These six relentless strivers were easy to stage a blow-up with. Predictable buttons, easily pushed. Known pieties and articles of faith they have to defend.
My time with Rocketman was a breath of fresh air in comparison. He and I may be the only two national leaders on the planet who don’t give a shit about the fake pieties of foreign policy. Neither of us had to strive relentlessly at the BS contest of domestic politics to get where we are, so we’re not programmed to be competitive automatically. And we don't have any need to come home with some phony “success” cheating the other guy out of some imaginary gain or another. Neither of us have any buttons to push. Kim is a completely sane guy, a lot more grounded than I was at his age, when I still imagined I could make a pile at the grand scheme of a casino empire. He just wants his regime to survive, period. I wasn’t smart enough to adopt that modest goal until after the damned Indian casinos thwacked my casino empire. We passed several pleasant hours talking about golf and our kids. His aren’t old enough yet to be the big disappointments mine are. He has a pretty good grasp of the game of golf. I don’t think either of us found it necessary to talk about any of the fake stuff you guys are rending your garments over.
I read a lot of progressive blogs, as well as the following the MSM. I’ve been at this three years now, after studiously avoiding politics and public policy and foreign policy for all the decades of my life earlier, and I am still amazed that people can claim that violating any of the fake pieties and doctrines of the faith, even aggressively trivial stuff like Key Resolve, is some big deal, and carries grave portents for the end of democracy as we know it, or something. I thought you progressives didn’t even believe in US global militarization? Or believed in it less than my side, or something. But I'm some kind of traitor worse than Benedict Arnold and Judas combined because I want to end Key Resolve? Jesus, people. I’m supposed to be the demented guy here, the one who needs to be freed of this office so I can go back to a life in which I can pussy-grab to my heart’s content. How can I convince people I’m crazy when you fucking relentless strivers have cluttered the field with genuinely crazy shit well beyond my poor powers to outdo?
Hey, no whining, that’s the standard I have to hold myself to. There is no royal road to a president of the US convincing people he’s crazy. It’s the top prize in the whole damn world of relentless strivers everywhere, so the guy who managed to win it has to be a genius right? No matter how much utter crazy stuff he says and does, he’s got to really be a genius, if only you are smart enough, as is the author, to see it. So while you guys and half the MSM are on my case about ending our standing in the world by having the president of the goddam US meet with the NK dictator, and just give away precious fucking Key Resolve, I also have to deal with the other half of the MSM proclaiming my genius at stabilizing the fucking Korean peninsula.
So sure, I was never going to get any explosion out of my meeting with Rocketman scary enough to overcome the absurdly unjustified presumption from all sides that I know what I’m doing. I’m either a supremely clever evil string-puller to you guys, or wise statesman to half the MSM. But you all insist on believing that I know what I’m doing. I can’t act crazy enough to overcome the presumption of competence without risking personal injury, and while I want out of the Oval Office, I prefer not to be carried out feet first. I have to play the long game here, sowing some seeds making the relentless strivers nervous that I might mess with their fake issues game. But I have a bigger dynamic I’m working here as well.
What I’ve been forced to do is figure out ways to exploit the real issues underlying all that fake stuff the relentless strivers use to paper over the real fears and hopes of people. In a rational universe, people in the US would have approximately zero fear of NK acquiring nukes. But that’s not the world we live in. In the actual world, the US quite needlessly dropped nukes on two Japanese cities. That created the witch’s brew of guilt and fear and superstition underneath it all that the serious politicians, the relentless strivers, have never exorcized, and that I have to work with. That’s the kaboom I’m banking on using in my long game to get the US to fire me, already.
PS: My good friend gtomkins, who has graciously lent me his persona at this site to let me vent, has informed me that some of you are expressing skepticism that this is really Donald J Trump writing this diary. Though hurt at the lack of faith, we understand that it is reasonable, anticipated it, and calmly and dispassionately devised a solid proof to answer your doubts that I am actually not at all demented, but just doing my level best to appear demented so that I can be relieved of an office I never sought, and find onerous in the extreme. I arranged to have an Easter egg inserted into that ridiculous propaganda video I had my guys prepare to pay homage to my equally demented predecessor Ronal Reagan.
Gtomkins has often stated at this site, as he tries to educate the community on dementia in our presidents, that the first solid proof of Reagan’s dementia was his calm and repeated assurance that nuclear missiles could be recalled after launch, despite having been extensively and thoroughly instructed to the contrary during the transition. I had them put in that sequence in the propaganda video where the three missiles rise out of their silos, but then, when the voiceover tells us that the Two Wise and Courageous Leaders have reached their historic agreement, the film goes in reverse and the missiles settle back into their silos.
Look, I’ve got a lot of “executive time” on my hands lately, what with this job that doesn’t let me do all sorts things I would rather be doing, so I’ve taken up studying film in more detail, and even took a hand in many of the touches in that propaganda film. I am especially proud of the missile sequence, both in its own absurdist right, and because I was able to get in an homage to my actually demented predecessor. It’s just gravy that I was also able to score a hat trick and vindicate completely the conspiracy theories of my good friend gtomkins. Art!